There have been years where we were awake long after midnight, having eaten feasts, waving sparklers in the darkness with friends, listening to fireworks down on Ruby Lake or over Oyster Bay or wherever we were. This year we drove down the Coast to a lively lunch and were home by 4. I was in bed early, reading about old age. (Was it only a trick of light that this book caught my eye at the library yesterday, 7 days short of my 70th birthday? I wonder.)
And we’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.*
So let the year begin. It comes on the heels of one of the worst years of my life, filled with sadness, rejection, and despair. This morning I look out at the trees I have known and loved for more than 40 years and see through them a shred of blue sky in the south. At hand, a mug of dark French roast coffee, a kindness brought to me in bed by my husband. In those years of the sparklers and midnight joy, I’d lie in my bed afterwards and feel such excitement about what was to come. And what came? Lots of good things: books, visits from my children, the births of grandchildren, the constancy of my husband’s love and faith, the discovery of relatives across time and place. I am grateful for all of it. Maybe the old resilience will return, as it was, or in a new form.
I hope the year is good to you and yours, to all of us on the planet, and the planet too, which we have not loved enough to insist on its care, though some set excellent examples. I hope your cup is filled with kindness, on this day and all the days to come.
*from Britannica online:
“Burns first wrote down “Auld Lang Syne” in 1788, but the poem did not appear in print until shortly after his death in 1796. It was first published in volume five of James Johnson’s Scots Musical Museum. Burns, a major contributor to the compilation, claimed that the words of “Auld Lang Syne” were taken “from an old man’s singing.” However, the song has been associated with Burns ever since. As published by Johnson, the lyrics were set to a different tune from the one that later became familiar.”
oh Theresa, I am saddened to know you feel this way, perhaps it is a common affliction as we age, but not everyone has the gift or ability to give voice to that feeling. To me, your writing proclaims such a profound nostalgia, it almost makes me weep. I won’t pretend to know exactly why or how you feel, I too often have the feeling that “this is as good as it gets” and that from now on there’s a step downward slope. I suppose it is pretty normal, as we age, to feel this way and if we can still see beauty and find a little joy each day, perhaps that has to be enough? Anyway, please know you are loved and valued by many. June M
Thank you, June. This is much appreciated.
I hope the year is kind to you, Theresa. My life is richer because you are there.
I hope your year is kind, too, Leslie. The world is such a complicated place right now and maybe those of us who are tucked away from the noise are fortunate in more ways than one.